The Villains Play Catan
by Princess Arimae
Summary: Crossover. The Baddies of Zelda, Warriors, Star Wars, Dragonfable, Sonic, and a few others get together for game night. Chaos ensues. Rated T for extensive violence. One-Shot. Please Read and Review.


**Shadow.**

**Scourge.**

**Tigerstar.**

**Dark Link.**

**Darth Vader.**

**Fluffy & Sepulchur.**

**Drakath.**

**Xan.**

**Collection of Step-mothers.**

**Prince John.**

**Plot Bunnies.**

**Opek.**

**Ash.**

**White Witch.**

**These are the Villains of many random works of fiction.**

**They like to play 'Catan'.**

**Watch.**

**

* * *

**"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" said Xan; he always did. You don't come to expect conversation from Xan.

"What in the name of StarClan are you laughing about? You can't be a likable villain if you keep laughing senselessly," growled Tigerstar.

"Who wants to be likable?" asked Darth Vader.

"So that you can deceive your enemies," said Dark Link. "And be extremely attractive!"

"Freak," accused the White Witch, who was sitting next to him, and becoming increasingly angry with Edmund for breaking her wand.

"He's right," Opek murmured, playing with his cards. "It pays to be liked, so you can take them all by surprise and kill them all!!!" he chuckled, maliciously.

"Is it to late to be dealt in?" asked Sepulchur, who was still training Fluffy.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" said Xan; Sepulchur ignored him.

"Completely. Ore for sheep? Anyone?" Scourge mumbled, showing his teeth. "Or I'll place the robber on you!"

"Pig!" cried Stepmother #1.

"Tyrant!" cried #2.

"Read the rulebook!" cried #3.

"Listen up, twolegs," Scourge slammed his paw on the table. "I would've read it, but the wretched Plot Bunnies ate it first!" he glanced at the furry rodents as they chewed mercilessly, then turned back to the Step-mothers. "So unless you wanna taste my claws, shut your mouths!"

"We'll taste your claws!" screeched the Bunnies. Then they leaped, and Scourge ran.

Sepulchur took his place. "Ore for sheep, anyone?"

Prince John sniffed and handed Sepulchur a sheep. "Sure, I need to build up this wretched army..."

"Use the force," suggested Darth Vader, gaining his fourth Victory Point, and then Dancing about it.

"Force? Who needs the force when you have powers gifted from Ganon himself?" objected Dark Link, playing a road building card and gaining longest road.

"Me," said Ash, quietly. "I've been the bad-guy in every story but 'Twas the night before Christmas', and I always loose.... How about you, Tigerstar? You show up too much, as well."

"'Show up too much'? Not so, I am merely worshiped by my author so dearly, they cannot even kill me and keep me dead! Mwahaha!" he laughed.

"Where's Darky, anyway?" asked #1.

"We liked him," said #2.

"Read the rulebook," said #3.

"Die!"

Immediately, the White Witch died... funny how that worked.

"Ha ha!" Dark Link said triumphantly as he snatched up the White Witch's cards, then returned to his seat.

"Seven!" smiled Drakath, in a creepy sort of way.

"Stop counting while you clip my claws!" Opek snarled. "Fool!"

"They're all fools," said Sep, companionably.

"Don't we know it..." Tigerstar agreed. "Ha! Take that, green player!"

"Do you even know who the green player is?" asked the Mysteriously-Never-Mentioned-or-Even-Hinted-About-Leader-of-The-Dark-Forest[MNMEHALTDF], holding the green sack, evily.

Tigerstar gulped nervously beside Opek as the foolish wolf carried on, unsuspectingly. "No, why? What're you gonna do, shave my fur off?"

"Better," said Sep, happily; the Doom Blade would have loved this, too bad he wasn't allowed to bring him any more... No one had liked #4 anyway.

"Grave mistake..." Tigerstar murmured, a sly grin appearing on his face.

Opek died off-screen.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" said Xan.

"My move," said MNMEHALTDF, calmly. Not true, but no one argued.

"Hey!" Dark Link yelled. "Stop looking at my cards!"

"Read the rulebook!" cried #3.

Prince John looked innocently at Dark Link. "I wasn't peeking! Honest!"

More character death ensued.

Tigerstar wiped the blood off of Dark Link. "You alright? By StarClan, at least you and Drakath are still alive, you alright, Darth?"

No one noticed how much he was changing the board; the advantages of tails.

There was a knocking on the door and a black hedgehog stepped in. "Did I miss anything?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" said Xan.

"Not really," said Ash.

Dark Link gathered Prince John's former cards and grinned. "There's room for another player or two now."

Shadow sat down and rolled the dice, eying Xan like one would eye a pile of slime.

"What took you so long?" asked Sep, changing the subject. "By the way, I wouldn't use the green pieces, if I were you."

"The In N Out was crowded and it took me a half-an-hour to get my meal and drive over here." Shadow answered, choosing the red pieces and rolling the dice.

"Why does the three keep coming up?" Dark Link grumbled. "It's not even a red number!"

Tigerstar grinned as he took a handful of cards. "You should've placed better,"

"Wait!" shouted Darth Vader. "I thought I had the whole set of three's! I was saving them for me and only ME!!"

"Read the rulebook," said #3.

Tigerstar growled. "Look, I'm here, I got two cities and three settlements set up on these babies! Don't make me tear your cloak!" Tigerstar snarled and flexed his claws as he passed the dice to Darth Vader.

"You remind me of my son," growled Vader.

Ash winced; that was a bit too far.

"Alright, that's it, Gramps!" Tigerstar leaped, tearing at Vader's cloak and scratching up his mask until Vader ran in terror and memories of his son.  
Tigerstar strutted back to his seat and neatly stacked Vader's cards in his own deck. "I think it's about time for Xan to laugh maniacally again... idiot."

"Why?" asked Sep.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" said Xan.

"I've come to accept it now..." Tigerstar mumbled.

Shadow smiled as he gained his ninth point. "Yes, coin metropolis for me." he took the yellow piece an placed it on his city.

MNMEHALTDF smiled and pulled the pirate to shore, while playing 6 soldier cards. No one asked if this was legal.

"Well, it's just the six of us now... and him..." Dark Link glanced at MNMEHALTDF.

"I love red," said Ash, to himself.

"Why don't we have orange still on the board?" asked #1.

"That was Prince John," Dark Link grinned. "and we all know what happened to him,"

"That was actually funny," said Sep.

"Of course it was!" Dark Link said, playing with his cards.

"Don't argue... Please?" begged Ash, not wanting to be the next one done in.

"What is it, Ash?" Tigerstar grinned and flexed his claws. "Afraid of losing?" Just to tease him, he mauled Step-mother #1 under the table and handed Ash the dice, grinning.

"Probably," said #2, causticly. "Wimp..."

While the others talked, no one noticed Shadow steadily gaining more and more points. "Oh look, 13 points!"

Dark Link looked at the hedgehog in outrage. "What the heck!? Someone kill him!"

Tigerstar shook his head, motioning for someone else to doit while he mauled Step-mother #2, leaving only #3 left.

"Read the rulebook! Read the rulebook!" cried the distressed #3.

"No problem," grinned MNMEGALTDF.

This died a hedgehog...  
And a leader-of-the-dark-forest's hand-thingy.

"Tut tut..." Tigerstar said, too nervous to mention who had the most victory points.

"I want your paw," said MNMEGALTDF.

"Huh? M-My paw?" Tigerstar stuttered.

Dark Link grinned impishly. "Give him your paw Tigerstar, you can't avoid it!"

"Look at me!" rumbled MNMEGALTDF, gloating.

Tigerstar, gathering his warrior cat courage, faced him, shuddered and held out his paw.

"Yay!" MNMEGALTDF said happily. "Now I want a thumb! Dark Link?"

"Nuh Uh! Sorry mister, I like my digits!" Dark Link shoved his hands in his pockets.

Tgerstar sighed and, picked off his thumb on his remaining front paw and held it out to him. "Here,"

"Yes!" MNMEHALTDF's voice rose to a squeek.

"Can I have anyone's hand?" tried Sep.

Somewhere, a lone cricket chirped, but no one heard it over the cry of "NO" from all parties.

"Sheesh," Dark Link pulled an extra paw from his pocket. "Here Tigerstar, you'll need this to kill more people,"

Tigerstar accepted the paw with glee and flexed his claws.

"Do I want to know why you have a spare... Wolf paw in your pants?" asked Sep.

"Eh, not really," Dark Link grinned, remembering how he had stolen it from Twilight Princess.

"One more point!" screamed MNMEHALTDF.

"Hmm," Tigerstar pondered. "Two ore for a road?" he held two ore cards between his claws.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" said Xan, making the trade.

Tigerstar sighed. "Your incompetence astounds me, Xan." Tigerstar then built two more cities, gaining a total of 13 points.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" said Xan.

"Just kill me now," groaned Sep, looking at his own pitiful 2 Victory Points.

Xan bought three soldiers.

Dark Link, grinning, approached Sep casually. "As you wish,"

Thus died Sep.

Tigerstar played his road along with a sheep and a wheat to gain a settlement, making his total one point higher, though he said nothing.

"Aren't you soposed to say 'Uno' or something?" asked Ash.

"Wrong game my friend," Dark Link fiddled with his cards, occasionally peeking out from behind them to see who his next victim would be.

Poor Ash.

Sudanly, MNMEGALTDF shouted something unintelligible at the top of his loungs.

"Darkstripe! You infernal beast! If you don't stop AT ONCE--!"

MNMEGALTDF vanished then. Tigerstar took his cards.

Tigerstar grinned. "Nothing can stop me now, unless..." Tigerstar would've continued, 'unless my worst fear comes through the door.' But even Tigerstar was smarter than to say that aloud.

Then it happened.

That's right, the Plot Bunnies returned.

"We are hungry!"

Ash ran while he could.

Xan laughed.

Tigerstar was no match for the bunnies.

Dark Link quickly played his winning cards. "15 points!" and threw a roast chicken to the Plot Bunnies.

Thus won Dark Link.

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**This story was co-written with my good friend Zelda R. Wolfchyld. You can find her in my fav. Author section on my profile.**

**If you want more, it's coming! Just add me to your Author Alerts!**

**~Princess Arimae & Zelda R. Wolfchyld**


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